Letters from Your Momma (The One About Marriage)

Dear Kiddo,

At some point along this road of life, you may find yourself wishing that your mother (that’s me, by the way) had somehow prepared for the little bumps and curves.

I know I did.

So let’s take it one bump and curve at a time and start with marriage. Kiddo, here are the things that I wish my mother had told me about getting married.

At least now, you won’t be able to say that I didn’t tell you so.

The whole marriage thing is a bit overrated, but the wedding is not.

There is something absolutely magical about donning a resplendent gown made just for you, walking down the aisle to meet the love of your life anxiously waiting for you. You feel like and are treated like a queen. There is a glow radiating from within you. The people invited to the wedding are well-wishers who share in this wondrous feeling of hope and happiness.

So yeah, that much is true – a wedding is really magical.

In fact, if I could, and if it weren’t going to be taken as an affront to the institution of marriage, I would put up a business that would allow women to be “bride for a day”. They would have everything from the gown, to the make-up, the professional photography, to the entourage of friends -- everything but the groom.

Don’t laugh, someone once told me that there is a certain church where weddings were booked were made by brides who didn’t have grooms in tow.

Now, wouldn’t my idea be much less trouble?


Marriage can be really bland.

I first heard this at a friend’s wedding. The mother of the groom, who was married for a good number of decades before her husband passed away, shared this piece of advice and I thought it was so…real.

When it comes to marriage, people always have something to say. They may tell you that it’s good, but only in the beginning. They may tell you that it’s hard and not worth it. These are the highs and lows of marriage and of life, in general. But hardly anyone will tell you about the in-betweens; the plateaus which can be long, agonizing and just as torturous and…bland.



There’s a difference between the wedding and the marriage.

I once went to a very elaborate and obviously well-planned wedding and remarked, “Wow, all this preparation for just one night.”

My then boss who was also a guest, looked at me incredulously and said, “It’s the start of a lifetime together.”

Uh, yeah she was right. The wedding is just a ceremony, whereas the marriage is really the rest of your life. The marriage has to be prepared for as much as the wedding.
Many get so caught up in the details of the grand ceremony that they forget to prepare for the grander scheme of things which is really life after the marriage.


Marriage is not for everyone and that’s okay.

Doing what’s expected can’t be expected of everyone. While most girls do dream of marriage and their own happy ever after ending, it just isn’t in everyone’s cards. Some people look for security and certainty of marriage.

Others are suffocated by these very things and view it more as monotony rather than security. Others will look for the companionship, but without the formality of documentation.

Bottom line, it’s not the marriage document and ceremonial act that is important, but the love, respect and companionship. Don’t let societal norms dictate the version of happiness that you want to have. Love takes on many forms. Find yours and be happy with it.

Which is really just fancy speak for ‘whatever toots your horn’.

And the best piece of advice about marriage – the golden rule, the gold standard that all other rules should be set against…do not settle. Repeat after me – DO NOT SETTLE. Whenever you feel that you want to give in and marry Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right, repeat this mantra to yourself over and over again. Make it into a chant if you have to, and repeat it until you are hypnotized.

Don’t be tempted by the prospect of a “good buy” or a “sale” where you buy something that you don’t really want simply because it’s 50% off. Remember, there is such a thing as buyer’s remorse and in a sale, there is a strict “no return, no exchange policy”.