Bad Boys

Almost 12 years have passed, but I still remember every detail of our first encounter.

I was riding one of those big tourist busses that used to ply EDSA during the weekdays on my way to class at UP. The tourist bus had a TV and was playing an old Tagalog movie. Having nothing else to do, I found myself watching the movie and surprisingly, immediately engrossed in it. I laughed aloud in several scenes, causing some of the passengers to look in my direction.

If I wasn’t going to be late for class, I would have deliberately passed my stop just to watch the ending. As I got off the bus, I felt a buzz in my head. For my then teenage heart, it was puppy love. And the object of my affection was none other than Robin Padilla.

As far as other men were concerned, Binoy kind of set “The Bar” for me after that. Only men with Bad Boy traits would pique my interest. I would instinctively look for the haughty, unpolished, impish manner, under which usually lay a surprisingly chivalrous nature. The embodiment of delicious unpredictability and wild adventure wasn’t just plain sexy or intriguing. For me, the irresistible danger of a Bad Boy would make my heart flutter and my blood course through my veins at pulsating speed.

I could go on and on about what I love about Bad Boys, but let me be the first to tell you that I have notoriously “eccentric” taste in men. When I tell any of my friends that I find a certain guy cute, someone else in the group has to be asked for a second opinion. Seriously! Friends, with my gay boyfriend leading the pack, have diagnosed me as having terminally impaired taste buds. They claim that my liking for Bad Boys is a feeble attempt on my part to glamorize my peculiar preference in men.

Despite their valiant efforts, no cure has been found for my ailing taste buds. The best they could do was try to understand what (or who) makes my taste buds drool over certain a speci-“men”. Their research and observation have found that men who ignite my taste buds are of a certain character. Specifically they all had an “ER” factor generally found in messeng-ERs, driv-ERs, farm-ERs and labor-ERs.

Further progress was made with the construction of The “ER” scale. I like to think of it as compassionate recognition that beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder. But who am I kidding? The “ER" Scale was developed to classify and categorize the different kinds of Bad Boys that cause my taste buds to salivate (or malfunction, depending on the who’s giving the prognosis).

Common-ER: Most basic, run of the mill, everyday “ER”

General appearance:
Earthy. Home-grown. Scruffy.

Choice words:
‘Tol. Brad.

Skin tone:
Sun-tanned. Skin is a shade of dark brown, suggesting overexposure to the sun and an irreverence for the power of Sunscreen.

Manner:
Very respectful. Sentences are appropriately punctuated with “po” and “opo”. May even address you as “Ma’am”.

Body Type:
Lean. Almost no fat, mostly due to lifting heavy weights necessary in their line of work, i.e. steel bars, crates, etc.

Typical Date:
Outdoor, nature trip, filled with fresh air and lots of walking.

Speed at which your blood will course through your veins:
Equivalent to a leisure walk in the park.

Famous Common-ERs:
Romnick Sarmienta, Gardo Versoza, Ian de Leon, Julia Diaz
50 cent, Snoop Dog, Kanye West

Medioc-ER: Neither here nor there, but can always move up or down the “ER” scale with certain aesthetic enhancements.

General appearance:
Average. Possesses border line “ER” traits in all aspects – skin tone, manner and body type.

Choice words:
Pare. Bro.

Manner:
Has enough of an aloof and stand-offish manner to differentiate him from the Common-ER, but doesn’t quite have enough of it to bring him to the next “ER” level

Skin tone:
Pool tanned. Consistently oven toaster brown all throughout the year.

Body Type:
May have a slight tummy or flat stomach (no abs) if he occasionally goes to the gym. Body is untouched and in its original state -- little or no exercise. Food intake is not monitored by a personal trainer or nutritionist. May also be just plain lanky, due to genetics.

Typical Date:
The usual. Movies and dinner or coffee after. Expect an action flick as opposed to a chick flick.

Speed at which your blood will course through your veins:
Equivalent to a jog along the UP oval.

Famous Medioc-ERs:
Jomari Yllana, Kempee De Leon
Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock

Topnotch-ER: Grade A, prime “ER”. Crème de la crème. The demi-god of “ERs”.

General appearance:
Brooding look of unapologetic, unadulterated arrogance.

Manner:
Effortlessly cool and mischievous. Unfazed and unaffected. Suave.

Choice words:
Dude, Man

Skin tone:
Beach tanned. Sun-kissed golden brown with rosy highlights in strategic places like cheek bones and nose indicating use of a SunBlock with a different SPF level for the face vs. the body.

Body type:
Defined biceps, with 4-6 packs abs from working out at the gym at least 3 times a week.

Typical Date:
All night-ER. Will take you for a spin in his ride and then back to his crib to party with his homeys.

Speed at which your blood will course through your veins:
Adrenaline rush equivalent to laps around a Formula 1 race track.

Famous Topnotch-ERs:
Cesar Montano, Borgy Manotoc
P. Diddy, Blair Underwood, Will Smith

Obviously, there is something more than just physical appearance that attracts me to a man, Bad Boy or otherwise. A friend once said that I simply took to heart the saying that beauty is only skin deep…I will continue to think that she meant that as a compliment.


This post goes out to all the jeepney driv-ERs and conduct-ERs who gave me complimentary rides and kept me company during long traffic jams the 4 something years that I studied at UP. They taught me the humble virtue of smiling through life’s difficulties and the importance of being grateful for even the most simple blessings.

Now that I don’t have to take public transportation anymore, I still get preferential service from wait-ERs and have graduated from free jeepney rides to discounted parking fees from Security Guards. Whatta you know? I guess like begets like. Or in this case, “ER” begets “ER”. I am, after all, a Moth-ER.