Commercial: Priceless Moments, Reel 5

Christmas Tree: 20% of Christmas Bonus
Decorations: 10% of Christmas Bonus
Gifts to put under the tree: What was left of Christmas Bonus

Kiddo putting her arms around the Christmas Tree saying, "I love you, Twee!": Priceless

31 Candles

Does everyone see each birthday that passes as an opportunity to look back on the year that was or is that just me being a Drama Queen?

I turned 31 recently and as I thought about the past year, I felt something that I haven’t felt in a long time - a sense of peace and lucidity. My 30th year was marked by the closure of unfinished chapters in my life, allowing me to finally turn the page and work on my own version of a happy ending.

I ran into an old flame recently. I have always wondered what it would be like to see him again especially since our last encounter X number of years ago (which also involved an X of a different kind -- if you know what I mean), was memorable for all the wrong reasons. We made small talk about what transpired in our individual lives since we had last seen each other. He was a complete gentleman, glossing over the more unpleasant parts of our history. As we talked, I thought back to the person I was immediately after our brief affair had ended – confused and again doubtful of her self – worth. It seemed like a lifetime ago. As our conversation came to an end and he kissed me good bye on the cheek, I walked away with the knowledge that though he may have bruised my ego, he at least didn’t break my heart.

I thought about the other X-Men encounters and couldn’t help thinking about Kiddo’s Dad. Seeing other people signified both a beginning and a finality. It was the “official” ending of our marriage, dissolving any rights we once had over each other, even without the court’s say on the matter. It was letting go to start a different life, separate from each other, with Kiddo being the only indication that we once had one together. From time to time, I still find myself whispering a silent apology to him for the way things turned out. I have long since forgiven him; the harder thing to do was to forgive myself. I wish him nothing less than his own happiness and a similar sense of peace.

I was at last exonerated from the memories of the past. I was liberated. There was no more rancor or regret, only lessons to be learned and profound thankfulness for the absolution.

As if on cue, to celebrate this freeing of my once broken spirit, my two best gay boyfriends decided to throw me a party the weekend before D-Day. The last time I remember having a party thrown in my honor was my 18th birthday – again, a lifetime ago. I always threw my own birthday parties so it was entirely new to me to have one planned for me. It felt good to be taken care of.

Four days of festivities followed as the different people integral in my life threw small celebrations for me -- my friends, my family, even my officemates.

Not to be outdone, Kiddo also threw me a party. About 2 weeks before the day itself, Kiddo already started greeting me happy birthday. Then one night, she invited me to have a picnic with her to dine on the imaginary birthday cake she baked with her “cookers”. We set the table and I sat there, sipping tea from miniature teacups with Kiddo, Yaya No. 5, Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, Piglet and Tigger. She had me wear a plastic crown from one of her costumes, making me feel like I was on top of the world.

When Kiddo took out the imaginary birthday cake that she baked for me, clapped her hands and for the first time sang, “Happy Birthday, Mommy”, I felt my heart burst as it sang right along with her.

I couldn’t ask for anything more.