X-Men

After some prodding from friends who convinced me that there is life the mourning after, I agreed to be set up on a blind date.

A blind date! I felt like I was a 17 year old who was a few years late for the prom. It might as well have been. I had no clue as to what the “meet market” was like or what changes had taken place since my last visit.

After a series of dates, (yes, maybe a date does beget a date!) and some strays that I picked up along the way, it became evident that during my period of abstinence, an evolution had taken place. A whole new breed of men had emerged, leading me to conclude that apart from the straight and the gay -- there are the mutants. The men whose genetic code is somehow altered, giving them extraordinary supernatural powers that make them different from the rest of humanity. The X-Men.

With the help of The Fantastic 4, we coined a secret identity for each of the X-Men that I encountered, based on his distinct mutant power. This also serves as a mneumonic device which has proven most effective in keeping track of the men that we date. Besides, as you will see, something as generic as their first name just doesn’t do them justice.

X-Men Identity: The Urban Legend

Mutant Power: Innate animal magnetism which he likes to share by sending out MMS messages of…himself.

The devil-may-care-attitude immediately caught my attention. He came across as eccentric, enigmatic.

It was 2 o’clock in the afternoon when I got the first MMS where he was lying down on what seemed like his bed, with a come-hither look. That MMS was to say good night to me…at 2 o’clock in the afternoon! On a Sunday! I was completely floored. Other MMS soon followed – him playing basketball since I couldn’t go to his game, him in costume to greet me Happy Holidays.

It was the 80s equivalent of giving someone your picture with a dedication at the back -- without them asking for one.

Other extreme mutant behavior was soon exhibited. He would ask me out for breakfast. He wanted to teach me Yoga. (In fact, one date that we had wasn’t over dinner, but over a Yoga session). He would call me late at night to ask if I felt like going out of town. Everything about him, everything he said (which I am, of course, constrained to edit here) made him amusingly different in an almost mythical way. When I told the Fantastic 4 about him, they half-jokingly asked if I was making all this up just so we would have something to talk about. Everything he said or did was just too “good” to be true.

In fact, if it weren’t for the MMS, the Fantastic 4 would challenge his existence as none of them have seen him in person. When the phone where those messages were sent was stolen, it only served to solidify his status as the one and only…Urban Legend.

Lasting Legacy: Entertainment. With a somewhat nostalgic laugh, the Fantastic 4 realized that his memory has been keeping us entertained for almost a year now. Yoga -- which up to now I still do.

X-Men Identity: The Charmer
Mutant Power: Ability to make you feel like your god’s gift to mankind

I honestly don’t know how he does it. He dishes out compliments not only with supernatural ease, but with a look of admiration that actually seems sincere. Oh yeah, he was a smooth one. Though I’m sure his lines have fallen on the ears of a lot of other girls, his mutant powers lie in making you feel like you’re the only girl he has ever said that to. The soft tone and dreamy look attached to each very specific compliment give it a tailor-made feel as opposed to an off-the-rack one. And no, he doesn’t sound cheesy.

I think his secret is that he genuinely likes women and everything about them. Whatever his secret is, I wish that his mutant charm gene could be passed on to other men. Every woman should experience what it is like to receive a continuous stream of compliments that make you feel like you are a goddess whose sole reason for existence is to be adored.

Lasting Legacy: Self – appreciation. Bringing out that inner goddess that I always hear people talk about, but didn’t know existed in me.

X-Men Identity: Velcro
Mutant Power: So sticky that he could probably stick to any surface

His abundance of bodily hair gave rise to the nickname Velcro, but he also went by other names such as Cling-On and Daisy -- short for Daisy Nuebe.

He was my 19-year-old neighbor who started chatting with me one day while Kiddo and I were swimming. When Kiddo wanted to have her picture taken, he quickly obliged by taking our picture with his phone. His sending the picture to my number was only the beginning (what is it with MMS??!!).

He started texting me every day to say good morning and make sure I didn’t forget to eat breakfast. Other texts throughout the day would follow. If I couldn’t answer his texts within a respectable grace period (maximum 5 minutes), he would call me. There were calls in the middle of the day telling me that he missed me and asking what time I would be home. Sometimes he would suggest that I not work too late so I could be with Kiddo. He was so sticky that he could probably put SupahGlue to shame.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy the attention. At first, I did. I distinctly remember the intoxicating feeling and thinking to myself, “Well, well, well, you just might still have it, girlfriend!”.

I’m sure that if I had only been 10 years younger, I would be gushing with excitement. I would have been tickled pink at the youthfully over-confident lines that were thrown at me. (Example: “I’ve had 3 girlfriends and they’ve all been older than me. You’ll be the fourth.”)

But I’m 30 and all I could think was: “You’ve got to be kidding!”. (pun intended)

The Fantastic 4 had a field day joking about how Kiddo was barely out of her toddler years and already I decided to have another baby.

At the end of it, I told him that while I was flattered by all the attention, I would like us to just be friends. It was the only polite way I could think of telling him to pick on someone his own age.

Lasting Legacy: Tolerance for the folly of youth. Slight allergic reaction to daisies, the actual flower.

X-Men Identity: Romeo
Mutant Power: “Romantic” flair that leaves me…breathless

Blame it on text messaging whose perfect mix of anonymity and intimacy make you brazen enough to say things you wouldn’t normally say face to face.

Romeo was an old colleague whom I bumped into in the mall. Having previously worked closely together, I considered him an old friend. I had no idea that that chance encounter after years of not seeing each other would change everything.

He started sending me messages from out of the blue and at odd hours, the contents of which were so provocative that it would literally take my breath away. The flirtation was electrifying and the repertoire, titillating.

It was flirting -- Gen-X, mutant style. Just thinking of the thrilling text exchange and the ‘on air’ affair still makes me sigh. Romeo (the fabled one, at least) has not died. He simply reinvented himself to suit these modern times.

Lasting Legacy: Modernization of my flirting skills. Sharpening of my texting agility and eloquence.


I could say that I am destined to be surrounded by men who are either gay or mutant, but with all the animated fun I had with the X-Men, I would rather take a line from a legendary actress, and ‘mutate’ it a bit. Jeanne Moreau once said, “I look at the wrinkles on my face and I remember the men who put them there.”

Well, when I see the laugh lines that are now back on mine, I think of the uncanny X-Men whom I have to thank for putting them there.