The Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood

Aside from Kiddo, there is one person that I truly can not live without -- Yaya No. 5.

I’m sure that most working mothers will agree with me when I say that a Yaya can make or break you. The truth behind that statement is probably raised to the nth power for a single working mom like me.

I need to put a number to qualify Yaya No. 5 because of the number of other Yayas that we had to go through before finding her. By the time that Kiddo turned 2, we had gone through four different Yayas. This kind of yaya exposure is not without its own share of horror stories. Let me give you a rundown of the close encounters we had with various Yayas, most of which were not at all kind…

Yaya No.1 was extremely competent and took very good care of Kiddo. The problem was she felt that only she could take care of Kiddo properly and had no qualms about making me and others know it. At times it seemed like Yaya No. 1 took a perverse joy in intimidating a first time mother like me and magnifying the little mistakes I made as a neophyte mom. I felt like I was the one who had to walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting her and getting a taste of her scathing side comments. Things came to an abrupt end when she got pregnant, hurriedly got married and left us to become a 1st time mother herself. I sometimes wonder if her own version of a Yaya No.1 has come into her life -- like in the form of a meddling mother-in-law maybe??

Yaya No. 2 was the most short-lived, staying with us for less than a week after being thoroughly scared off by Yaya No. 1 during their turn over ceremony.

Yaya No. 3 was the Gossip Monger Yaya who treated my situation with Kiddo’s Dad like a real-life soap opera. To me, she was nice and completely understanding of our set-up which required shuttling between 2 houses twice a week, all the while lugging along Kiddo’s things. Unknown to me, she took a different side when in front of the other camp. She would complain about her responsibilities, comment on my parenting and share many embellished details of my private life with Kiddo’s Dad and family. The worst was finding out about Yaya No. 3’s doings only after she left us without warning. She never came back from her Day Off and texted me 4 days after saying that she had decided to elope with her boyfriend. Her text claimed that she was sorry and knew that I must be really upset with her, but well, there wasn’t much I could do about it.

The ultimate worst had to be Yaya No. 4. She was the naïve 18 year old who hardly had any experience with children -- painfully evident in the way that she was winging it with Kiddo. Her “agent’, (who was referred to me by a trusted friend) gave her glowing credentials saying that she could personally vouch for Yaya No. 4. According to her “agent”, Yaya No. 4 was previously employed by her sister, serving as official Yaya on numerous family travels, both here and abroad. It didn’t take long to see that these claims were just too good to be true and that the “agent” made it all up to get her Finder’s Fee.

That was our life Pre-Yaya No. 5. It was a worrisome trial and error period that I hope never to re-live. It was a hopeless and desperate time for me when I felt I that would never be able to find someone whom I could trust to really take care of and love Kiddo. For Kiddo, I’m sure it was a confusing period of passing faces, of various people taking care of her for short periods of time, only to unexpectedly leave. Yaya No. 5 was like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

Yaya No. 5 is the daughter of our household help who had been with our family for more than 8 years. (Yaya No. 5’s mom, whom Kiddo also calls Nanay, recently retired and went home to the province to take care of her grandchild.) Yaya No. 5 was only 19 when she started working for us. Traumatized by my past Yaya experiences, I was a bit apprehensive about her being so young and her only experience with children being taking care of her younger brothers and sisters. I decided to give her a try on the strength of Nanay’s long standing relationship with our family.

As it turned out, her youth and relative inexperience worked in my favor. She was receptive to my household and childcare rules. She listened to me and looked at me as the unquestionable authority on my daughter. She was quiet, unassuming, responsible and, for someone so young, didn't fall prey to the usual trappings of flirting with the village guards, gossiping with the other Yayas or texting like there is no tomorrow.

Among Yaya No. 5’s exemplary qualities are her remarkable patience in enduring the 30 minutes to 1 hour that it takes to feed Kiddo, and her diligence about accomplishing even the most difficult tasks like making Kiddo drink her vitamins or brush her teeth. (This is a daily ordeal where Kiddo would start screaming “Oh God, no! Help me! Help me!” when seeing one of us approaching her with a toothbrush.) She treats Kiddo like a younger sister, playing and reading to her, sometimes spoiling her and giving in to her more than I would. She worries as much as I do when Kiddo is sick and is very precise when administering Kiddo’s medication.

Amazingly, she also took it upon herself to look after my needs and take care of me as well. She cleans the house each morning, fixes my lunch and makes me breakfast before I go to work. She’s very solicitous when the Fantastic 4 are in the house, never making them or me feel like their presence is added work for her. The job scope that she has voluntarily taken on doesn’t end there. After a garage sale (I have one ever year to sell off Kiddo’s old clothes and shoes and fund the purchase of new ones), Yaya No. 5 would take the initiative to try and dispose of the unsold items by asking the other yayas or tenants in the condo if they’re interested in buying. (Yup, she has a direct selling streak)

In appreciation of her kindness and genuine concern for our well-being, I constantly remind Kiddo what a gem Yaya No. 5 is, and how a gem like her should be treated. Hopefully, Kiddo won’t fall into the trap of getting used to having an ‘assistant’ around to carry her things or clean up after her. So during our weekly dates when it’s just me and Kiddo, we make it a practice to buy Yaya No. 5 pasalubong. When we come home, Kiddo gives her a kiss along with her pasalubong announcing in a sing-song fashion, “Yaya, I have something for you.”. When we leave the house, Kiddo makes sure that she tells Yaya No. 5 where she’s going. Recently, Kiddo has become a bit of a hostess when friends and family come over, asking them with pen and paper in her hand, “What do you want to order?”, we make sure that Kiddo doesn’t forget to get Yaya No. 5's order as well.

When Yaya No. 5 went home to the province for a 2 week vacation, I took a leave from work to take care of Kiddo. I actually found myself a bit rattled as I realized that there are a lot of things in the house that I do not know the location of. Without me saying anything, she came back a day earlier (no small feat considering that travel to her province is a 24 ride each by boat and by bus) because she missed Kiddo. I was touched at her sincere devotion to Kiddo and was once again reminded of how lucky we are to have her.

Yaya No. 5 recently celebrated her 21st birthday. Kiddo and I surprised her with a birthday lunch at Shakey’s with close family and friends in attendance. It wasn’t much, but I hope that it made her feel special and see how much Kiddo and I appreciate the somewhat selfless way she’s been looking after us.

It’s so easy to be just a Yaya. Anyone can take on the role of a hired hand, a mercenary who needs to keep watch over her ward. But as I have learned with Yaya No. 5, it is nothing short of divine to have a complete stranger come into your home, look after your child with the deep affection and love of a dutiful older sister and in the end, become like family to you both.